On March 25, Jodi wrote a blog post that started with this question:
Today I will commit to start writing again without letting fear stop me. It’s a need I have thought about every single day for a long time, but I was paralyzed by fear.
One might wonder what has fear to do with it? Writing for me is not a career nor a life changing plan so how can I fear something I have already practiced for a few months that only got me positive feedback?
My fear didn’t come from writing, it only came from dreading loneliness and abandonment. It doesn’t really matter if my English is good or bad. It doesn’t really matter if the subject I’m writing about is interesting or not. I write because I love to. I write because it’s a hobby I enjoy and that helps me.
To simplify, I was afraid that after disappearing for all this time, I might disappoint you and lose your support when you realize that I am still struggling to overcome all the consequences of my previous life, the life I abandoned less than 2 years ago. I feel ashamed of my depression, but at the same time, it’s only your support that helped me out of it. What do I do?
Ask for what you want instead of complaining. (check out Jodi's video about it)
I want to get better. I want to smile and to laugh. I want to be myself and feel appreciated for who I am. I want to love and feel loved. I want to live.
I am ready to do all that it takes to get what I want. I am ready to break the walls I have built in order to protect myself. I am ready to fight for my new life.
The only thing missing is emotional support. I need support, sometimes I need a lot of it. I tried to do it alone, then I tried with intensive counseling, I tried distraction, I tried it all, but was afraid to ask for it from you although I believe that a community like this is a source of true love and sharing.
Phew! Now that I said it, will I have the strength or courage to share this post? I don’t know, maybe I will? I have nothing to lose and plenty to gain.
How about you helping me share my story? How about getting to know me better, my past, but also my dreams and wishes, my beliefs and thinking.
I would love you to ask me questions about my life, to suggest ideas for blog posts, or ask me personal questions which I will try to answer as honestly as possible in future blog posts.
Here goes ----- I'm diving in!