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Wednesday, March 28, 2012

WHAT IS LOVE?

Love is our all quality that has made life possible. It is our all origin. It is our destiny. It is our home and our path. It is all there is.
AGNI EICKERMANN

"I have learned to be silent and to listen.
Every heart has a story to tell.
Every heart knows about its divine origin.
Every heart knows it is love."
AGNI EICKERMANN




What is Love?


This is something I have been thinking about for a very long time. How can I define love? How can my heart decide what kind of love to feel? Why do we say I love you like a mother would love her child, I love you like a best friend, like a sister, like a brother. Who makes this decision, and how, based on which criteria?

I have so many thoughts on the matter, but I am still a bit confused,  although they are comforting thoughts.
What defines the love we share with each other? I think our love is only defined by our needs.
Love is equal to everyone; it has no limits, nor boundaries. The differentiation is only made in the mind, not in the heart, and it's only determined by the kind of love we are lacking in our life.

I have been reading a lot lately, that love of Self is the most important and that once we can love ourselves, we can be happy and feel complete. I also read, frequently, that a successful couple is formed by two people who complete each other. Both statements are somehow true, but not exclusive.

When a child is born, he needs to learn how to love himself. His first teachers are his parents and his siblings. The next step will be taught at school age, with other children and teachers. He will learn to accept himself for who he is, and he will learn that he as important as anyone else.

So, in order to love myself I need to learn things from others who have specific roles in my life, and if one of those "teachers" is missing, I will look for him in any other person I meet.


There are lessons we need to learn from a mother, a father, a partner in life, a brother, a sister, a friend, a best friend, a guide, a teacher, etc. Needs that we have to fill in to be complete and also, needs that will help us feel our life is fulfilled.

If my partner is giving me the Love I need from him, I wouldn't fall in love with someone else. If the father figure has been available in my life, I wouldn't look for a father in the people I meet, same for the mother and friends, brothers and sisters.

That is something I have felt all my life when blaming myself for the love i was feeling for different persons, but I blamed myself for this love without understanding the causes. Why would I love my teachers as a child loves his mother? Same thing for my friend. My best friends have always been for me the perfect mother figure. I used sometimes to be upset if one of my friends considered me a sister when for me, she was more like a mother, and that has sometimes created problems for me.

Now, I finally understand: I needed the mother, she needed the sister she never had. I realized that because I made a list of all the persons who consider me a real true sister. All those either never had a sister or have faced problems with their sisters in their childhood or life. So they saw in me the sister-figure they were lacking.


My earliest memories are of wanting a brother ... two new babies were a disappointment, because they were sisters. Every male friend I made became, for me, the brother I so desired, particularly the supportive, protective ones. I don't remember ever looking at any man as a father, now I understand why ... it's because my father has always been present in my life. Whether he was a good father or not is not the problem, as long as he was there.

I have noticed myself becoming very "romantic" lately ... I found myself dreaming of love, a very pure and innocent love. I can imagine myself walking with my partner on the beach, riding a bike in a big park, running on the grass, laughing and talking, and having fun. I realized that I have never truly experienced LOVE before because that innocent kind of love, the one that usually teenagers have, when they can feel the happiest in the world just by holding hands, was never fulfilled. As long as I don't live that experience, I don't think I can grow up ... in love








22 comments:

  1. A beautiful post with some excellent thoughts. Really enjoyed reading this, this morning. Well done!

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    1. Thank you very much Elizabeth!! I'm glad you liked it!

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  2. Nikki, you've explored the many facets of love in this post and have done so beautifully. Indeed, we do compensate with the "lacking" in our lives and find alternate substitutes that can fill the void. My brother died a year before I was born and I grew up yearning for an older brother. Growing up the majority of my friends were boys. Perhaps I too was trying to substitute the void. I don't think it's too late for you to experience young love. After all, isn't that the feeling we get whenever we're in a new relationship; when everything is new and exciting? Never give up, Nikki! :)

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    1. I so wanted a brother Bella, but have never expressed that, even when my parents used to talk about having a new baby, that might be a boy, I used to put my hands on my ears and shout shut up, shut up. Boys for me were "monsters", all of them, except my brother, the one who was older than me, the one in my dreams.

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  3. Nikky!
    I love your musing and these fantasies you are having. I know it is all a struggle but I see such progress in your thinking. Think think about a romantic partner. You are going through the process of seeing what life could be like loved. You are dreaming it into your life and this is the kernel you need to get to where you want to go!

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    1. Thank you Jodi. I absolutely need that, you are right. I was dreaming, I still am I think, but even the dreams don't end nice, most of times. I'm sorry if I sound negative, but some days are harder than others, and I learned from you that it's okay sometimes to allow ourselves to feel the way we do?

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  4. Innocent love is sweet. I think that's why I like writing for young adults. Love at that age is perfect. I miss that.

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    1. Innocent love is what I need. Even the books i love to read are those addressed to young adults as you say as it's pure romance. Once it becomes more, I tend to panic.

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    1. Thank you Brenda for reading and commenting!!!

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  6. Beautiful, thought-provoking post. I was thinking about this: I believe self-love is something we model for our children. I don't know that I always do this so well, but I am trying to be aware. My daughter once said to me: "It's embarrassing to stand up for yourself." She was just six at the time. I realized that I was often embarrassed to stand up for MYself and that she had learned that from me. I've been working on that one ever since!

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    1. Thank you Lisa. I am trying to teach my children that they are important and that they need to love themselves, but i am a real bad example in that matter, and as long as I don't change, they can't learn it right. I'm working on that.

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  7. Nikki, A wonderful post. You raise some good ideas for me to think about. I have always wanted a sister. Perhaps I am really close to women who I would like to have as a sister?

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    1. That is how I feel Tina. I really think that our needs are what define our love.

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  8. well said and beautifully expressed, you write amazingly and i totally agree with you :)

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    1. Thank you so much. That is a great compliment as I never believed I could write :)

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  9. My dear friend ... I love this post ... you have taken the subject apart, laid it out on the table, and examined it from all angles ... thank you. Well written. I enjoyed the read. Pat.

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    1. And I love your comment as always, and I love you so much!!!

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  10. B E A U T I F U L.

    Love flowing to you from Minnesota, Nikki. Xxx

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    1. Thank you Kim!!!! Much love to you too.

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  11. I love you my Angel-heart. You are stronger than anyone knows, and I am honoured and so happy to know you and love you - Lily

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